On a rainy afternoon, as dark outside as it is inside, I need to go to the old video store of Ma and Pa. Don’t forget yours, that special place, full of plastic heaters and eclectically colored carpets (with lots of stains everywhere), and that driveway filled with so many VHS gems that you might be salivating (and probably still won’t forget). In this specific hallway, there was a small piece of VHS that had a canopy. where if you touched the “power” button on the microwave, it would turn on (they don’t advertise movies like that anymore, do they?)!Sometimes you need a movie that you can sink your teeth into, but they leave a bad taste. taste in your mouth. Actually, that’s not the case with the ironic (sliced) vintage microwave massacre, a delicious, stinky piece of cinematic brie cheese that will make you pop (or vomit, depending on your cinematic palette).
Any film that bites into the ideals of cannibalism will certainly be accused of biting off more than the filmmakers can chew. Much is the case with the makers of this serving of 70s exploitation shlock (heavy on guts, both on-screen and off). Instead of going for the traditional “Hack ‘em’ and Stack ‘em’” approach like most of the independent slashers after the success of John Carpenter’s Halloween, these chefs drenched the film with humor (something smells funny). As quenching to the pallet as the humor is, the secret ingredient for this was legendary comedian Jackie (Frosty the Snowman) Vernon, whose deadpan delivery makes it so you can’t take your eyes off his character, ravenous to see where he will go next. I’m sure when Vernon reflected with the likes of Dean Martin or Milton Berle about his meaty role he didn’t need a lot of acting tips on being a cannibalistic hen-pecked construction worker trying to find a dinner date!
The old saying goes that you are what you eat, and what our structure hero, Donald, has been swallowing over the past few years is a lot of angst (I’m fine!Depression that eats as a meal). Recently fitted with a pacemaker, Donald has to follow a special diet, and what better way for his depraved wife Mae to cook better food than with the new Major electric microwave?The biggest problem: Donald needs a Bologna-style sandwich. One night, while preparing his food (or pushing his buttons), Mae passes him the mustard too many times and Donald sticks a fork in him (he’s done!).
To get rid of the evidence, Donald decides to break the rules of his diet and slide a little lard down his gullet (from Mae’s left arm). Unfortunately for others, it awakens a searing appetite in Donald and, like Gordan Ramsey (you idiot!), he opens up a slaughterhouse in Hell’s kitchen! Just hope he keeps that microwave off and his pacemaker on! Pour one cup of ridiculous (and crude) one-liners, add a pinch of gratuitous nudity, and a tablespoon of witty dialogue (courtesy of Vernon’s classic delivery) you will get a leftover bag of scrumptious lunacy to satisfy anybody’s pallet (if you don’t barf into your doggy bag).
Selected for pleasurable viewing in 76 minutes, and directed by Wayne Berwick (who later directed Attack of the B Monsters and The Naked Monster), as a VHS collector, be sure to get your hands on the Rhino Video edition that includes lighting fixtures. (which is hard to locate and quite expensive). Like your grandma’s giant green Sears microwave from the ’70s, it’s pretty straightforward to watch this movie online on Tubi and the like, but check out to get the comedian from Arrow Video with a documentary making and observation tracks. So put this Raytheon RadaRange in a comfortable pitch for making popcorn (not bloody) and soothe your treats with some delicious Hollyweird appetizers (but wash your hands before touching the plate, please).